When Things Go Wrong
Author Profile
Hi I'm Marina! A soon-to-be final year Neuroscience PhD student at the University of Manchester UK. I research the effects of light on the brain. I also train martial arts, keep snakes, listen to metal and bullet journal.
Go Follow Marina @MarinaGNeuro
Early on in my PhD I hit breaking point. It felt like I wanted to curl up in the smallest ball possible, in the darkest, most remote, place and never emerge. It was coming to the end of my first semester, I had been a PhD student for a total of 2 months and I was tasked with writing my literature review.
Initially things were going really well but I soon learnt that my standards of critically analysing literature and writing in a scientific language were not up to that of a PhD. My drafts came back from my supervisor full of red ink (and on one occasion with a red “WTF???”). Imposter syndrome was hitting hard. On top of that, I was dealing with serious problems in my personal life. I felt that work was my only escape from home, but when that started going south I had no refuge. I felt trapped and terrified.
If you have also found yourself in a really bad place in your PhD, I am so sorry. Know that you will get through this and you’ll be stronger because of it. I made to the other side, I had a good support network, I felt stronger and braver and happier in my PhD. Here are some of the things I learnt that will help you navigate difficult times.
Code Red - When you are at your breaking point
Immediately
STOP. Whatever you are doing, whatever situation you are in, STOP. Leave it. Get up. Excuse yourself if you’re in a group, then walk out.
Breathe. Remind yourself you are going to be ok. Catastrophising is very common when stress is high - your brain is tricking you, don’t fall for it.
Take the rest of the day off. Do whatever would make you feel better: eat cake, watch Netflix, call home, have a cry. Put all your focus on yourself in the kindest manner possible.
Follow-up
Tell your supervisory team. If you are not ready to speak about the issues yet simply say “I am struggling to cope at the moment”. It helped me a massive deal to get support from those who oversaw me, in my panic-exhausted mind I thought they’d never understand and would tell me I am a failure which was of course, not the case.
Take some time off – actual time off: not doing or thinking about work. If I had taken just one week when I was at my worst I would have saved not only my mental health but my productivity as well.
Seek help – counselling helped me when I had nothing else. I admit I was one of those people who thought counselling was just for people with serious mental health issues, and I didn’t want to take time away from those people. I now realise counselling is for anyone and everyone who needs it. That first session with the university counsellor did more for me than I ever thought possible.
Code yellow: Preventing burnout
Hopefully, you haven’t reached Code Red, but even if you have that’s not something we want to experience again once we’ve made it to the other side. We need to prevent burnout:
Take notice: learn what your warning signs are and check for them. For me (Marina) it is the constant urge to cry and the near impossibility of getting out of bed, and for me (Heloise) it’s extreme self-deprecation.
Act quickly when you see warning signs: be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Consider some time off to recharge, even if it is just an afternoon. For me I often find talking to my support network a massive help when I see those beginning stages.
Maintain your overall health: a good diet, sufficient sleep and exercise all contribute to good mental well-being. For exercise consider joining a University sport society.
Life ≠ Work: it is important to have aspects of your life completely separate to work, maybe you have a craft hobby, maybe friends from childhood, or pets or reading. Be sure to cultivate these areas of your life and invest time and effort into them.
Have a varied support network (friends, family, colleagues): It is essential to maintain good mental well-being. What I have come to learn is that the varied aspect is crucial. Having academic friends can help if you need to vent about something specific (e.g. the pressure of a report viva to a fellow PhD student). For this I strongly recommend the academic twitter community, nowhere else will you find strangers so caring and willing to give advice. However it is also helpful to have a source of support from someone disconnected, without the pretences that come with academia. I have found my friends from my martial arts club to be one of the biggest supports during my PhD, a simple “I’m having a tough time at work” and hug and distraction helps me 90% of the time.
Say “No”: Taking on too many responsibilities is a big factor of burn-out. Check last week’s blog to learn how to say “No”.
Code Green - Supporting Others
When things are going well, thinking about mental health can be the last thing on people’s minds. However when you are in the green this is a great opportunity to help those around you and improve the support in academia, as well as keeping yourself strong with the points listed above. Start by expressing gratitude to those who helped you and those who make your life better, from baking a cake for the lab to a thank you note. Let others know you are there to support them should they need it. Think of the last time you asked someone how they were, genuinely how they are doing.
Look out for others when you can so we can make academia a welcoming and warm environment for all.
If you are experiencing severe mental health problems and feel you are in danger please contact the emergency services
Useful resources
Kellh McGonigal’s excellent TED talk about how to minimise the negative impacts of stress by rethinking the way you look at stress
This page has some good background on burnout, a tool to help assess your levels of burnout and advice for restructuring your work goals to help with work stress.
Marina’s blog post about the benefits of a University Sports society on work-life balance